Workin’
for the Democratic Man!- Chapter 3
The following is a chapter
excerpt from Mark Spies is alive and well
and living in the suburbs, by Steve Otto, a yet to be published book. This book is less about politics and
more about entertainment. It is more of an insult than it is about serious
politics. —
Jim Browning was a short stocky man about as tall as I was
and that wasn’t very tall. I don’t often work for members of the Democratic
Party, but this guy was local. I knew him and I knew his politics. Although he
wore a suite, he also had a slight beard, his hair had just a touch of gray and
he had a laid back look about him.
His desk was a meager looking plain wooden table with
drawers. His office was small and rather plain except for all the election
posters he had on the wall. I was sitting at a table full of information
pamphlets that I would soon be giving away door to door. Browning was running for the Representative
to my district and he was running as a Democrat.
He was running against a far-right-wing Republican. His name
is Mike O’Connally, a true Tea-Party Yahoo. This young twerp looked as yuppie
as it was possible to get. Always in the three-piece suit and tie, with his
boyish looks, he couldn’t have been much over 25. He had short crew-cut style
hair and he was clean shaven. He looked like a Jehovah’s Witness travelling
around on the bicycle. But he would have none of that. The chamber of commerce
and had just backed him, along with the Koch brother’s fake think tank Americans for Prosperity backed O’Connally against a
moderate Republican who had served the business community well over the last 20
years. But now, The Chamber and the Koch brother stooges decided they could get
a better deal. In fact, they owned this guy, lock, stock and barrel. O’Connally
was also tied in with ALEC so he could get free speeches he didn’t have to
write.
Sitting next to me was a friend of mine, a
free-lance writer named Hector Helious. He was about my age, dressed rather
business casual and he started laughing when he told us he had heard O’Connally
giving a speech at an economic forum put on by our local Chamber of Commerce.
He recorded the speech and to his surprise, it was word-for-word identical to a
speech he had taped by a politician who spoke at a similar event in St. Louis
“I couldn’t believe it,” Hector said as he
stroked his short goatee. “I didn’t realize you can get elected knowing nothing
at all. Both O’Connell and this other guy, Gibbs, had pulled up ready-made
speeches from ALEC. All you have to do is parrot what these ass holes tell you
to say. Talk about an easy job!”
One thing we all noticed was that O’Connally
won the primary election where only 19% of people voted. Surely when we explain
that O’Connally had used the low primary turnout as a “dirty trick” to try and
flush out a moderate Republican, it wouldn’t be that hard to convince people to
vote for Browning as a reasonable alternative—or would it?
I started walking door to door in Browning’s district
and already I knew we had problems. I went up to this normal looking middle
class house, with blue wooden framing on the outside and the guy inside
literally gave me the creeps.
Out walks this old fart wearing overalls, a john Deer hat,
with white hair and crooked teeth. He told me; “Them thar libaruls want to take
all our guns away and make ever-body gay. I never vote fer nun them thar
Dem’crats. Ahm a Kanzen. I always vote Republic'n.”
The next guy I came across called himself Ray. He also
described himself as a Republican. He’s a 40 something, not that old with dark
hair, wearing blue jeans and a clean shave and he looked like a good ol’ boy as
far as a nice open minded guy. But he wasn’t.
“People vote Democrat because they want a welfare check rather
than working for a living,” he said. Apparently he believed only Republicans
hold jobs.
“Do you seriously believe no one who votes Democrat holds an
actual job?” I asked rather astounded that anyone would actually say that, much
less believe it.
“Some uh them thar people work at government jobs in one
form or another,” he said. “Those are just another form uh welfare. Dem’crats
get ‘dem a job where they only work a few hours a day and get what amounts to a
government handout.”
A few minutes later this same jackass was bitching because
there is only one place to renew a person’s driver’s license.
“It took me three hours of waiting and there is only one
office left in town!” he said.
I thought to myself; “You dumb-ass! Did you really think all
these people working in government offices didn’t really do any work?” Then
there is that annoying belief that poor people are just lazy and chose to live
that way.
“Those people could get jobs if they really wanted them,”
Ray said.
“Do you have a job?” I asked him.
“Of course ay do. I always had a job. You think Ay’m one
them thar lazy poor Dem’crats?”
“So you never had to look for work?”
“Nah!”
“So you haven’t actually had to look for work in a long
time?”
“I keep my job. That’s cuz ay’m not lazy. I work hard and
don’t lose my job. People who aren’t working’ choose to live that way. They
make a choice. That is why I never vote for those lazy people who vote
Democrat.”
I decided that I would attach my Republican opponent at his
weak spot, his corrupt relationship with the Koch Brothers and the Chamber.
“Did you know that Mike O’Connally is finance largely by the
Koch Brothers and their PAC Americans for
Prosperity?” I asked Ray. “So the Koch Brothers are actually trying to buy this
election. They used dirty tricks to get O’Connally to beat a moderate
Republican in the primary so he could win the general by just beating a
Democrat. The Chamber of Commerce was behind him also.”
“What do you have against the Koch Bruthas?
They are producers. The Democrats err supported by parasites who just want to
get free money from our gove'ment, while people like the Koch Brothels are
producing the wealth in this contra.”
Well, I finally decided that talking to Ray
was a lot like talking to a wall. Surely I would have better luck with one of
the other working class voters in this largely working class neighborhood.
Surely there was someone in this neighborhood who was bothered by the idea of a
corrupt politician running for the benefit of a few moneyed interests over the
interests of the workers.
So I walked a few blocks to a large pale red
house and knocked on the door. This balding guy with glasses came out to talk
to me. He looked smarter than the last two. Would that turn out to be true?
“I’m Mark; I’m canvassing on behalf of Jim Browning, who is running
for this district’s House of Representatives.”
“I’m Phil,” the man quickly answered. “Is he a Republican?”
“No,” I answered.
“I can’t vote for a Democrat.”
“Why?”
“He might be pro-union. “
“Unions aren’t supporting Democrats anymore.”
“I can’t take a chance. It isn’t fair that they make all
that money and the rest of us just make a little over minimum wage. Do you know
how much more those Boeing Union guys make than I do?”
“But their unions earn them that money. They pay dues, go to
meetings give up their incomes when it comes time to strike. It takes a lot of
work being in the union.”
“I think they are all just lazy and want an easy pay check.
They don’t want to work too hard so they join a union.”
“You mean they’re lazy like the poor people on welfare and
the people who work for the government?”
“That’s right!”
“But if they are so lazy, how do they get those benefits?”
“They buy off our elections through the Democrats. It’s all
about corruption.”
“What about the Koch Brothers and their PACs, the Americans for Prosperity and their use of ALEC. They give
way more than unions to buy elections. Did you know that O’Connally is
solidly in the pockets of the Chamber of Commerce and the Koch Brothers? He’s
in debt to those people for a lot. Whatever they ask for he will have to give
it to them. He won’t have to pay any attention to your needs or those who work
as you do. He can put all the tax burden on you, while giving his rich friends
all the tax breaks.”
“But they are rich and this is America
“But Browning would defend you and your rights right now.
Don’t you want a politician who cares what happens to you now, before you ‘get
rich?”
“If I’m not rich it’s my own fault. I’m not going to blame
the Koch Brothers or any other rich people because I don’t live the way I want
to. The answer is to get rich.”
By now I realized I was just talking to another wall.
Throughout the neighborhood, I was running into weird ass yahoos who didn’t
seem to have a lick of sense between their ears. It was nearly the end of the
day and it was at a rather large house and maybe this guy made a little more
money. Of course I didn’t know if they would make any difference.
“Hi! I’m Bob,” the enthusiastic tall thin man said.
I thought maybe this guy might be a little different. So I
decided to go straight at the environmental argument.
“People here don’t like them tree-huggin’ enviermenalists,”
Bob said. “And there ain’t no global warmin.’ That’s just a scam by them
libaruls who just want to control us with all their socialism and communism.”
“Why would they want to do that?” I asked in amazement.
After all, I was a socialist and I couldn’t see any clear cut link between
socialists and liberals—accept on some social issues. Most socialists and
Marxists I knew hated liberals almost more then they hated conservatives. I
have to admit that I was one of the exception to the rule.
“It’s all about control,” Bob explained. “That’s what the
Democrats is all about. They just want to control us and tell us how to live.
I’m an individualist. I don’t depend on anyone for anything. I’m completely
self sufficient.”
“An individualist? Do
you make your own clothes, build your own car, and grow your own food?”
“Well that doesn’t matter. Modern man uses the pay check
rather than the bow and arrow for his food. I just don’t believe in taking
hand-outs.”
“Most people who have taken government handouts have paid
into the system at one time or another.
Even the few people who haven’t ever held a job pay taxes and spend
their money on the economy. So everyone is interdependent in one way or
another—unless you live as a hermit in a cave.”
“Oh! That’s ridiculous. People on welfare are bums and I’m
not one of those. Those people are ignorant. The reason Republicans win in this
state is because people in Kansas
“Since I’m working for a Democrat, you must think I’m very
ignorant.’
“You don’t understand
simple economics that much I can say for sure. If you understood how economics
work you would never vote for a Democrat.”
“I guess I just need more education,” I said sarcastically.
“You need a job, that is for sure.”
“I have a job.”
His jaw dropped and he gave me a look of surprise as if he
had never heard of a working Democrat before.
Finally—done with canvassing for the day. And if I had
seriously given it any thought, I would never do it again. After a hard day on
the campaign trail, it was time to kick back and relax in my black leather
chair with a cold Magnum Malt liquor can. The TV was on and one of our esteemed
City Councilmen Cal Brewhaa was on TV talking about a new airline coming to Wichita
“We hope to have the AA-Hole Airline moving to Wichita
Yes it would, I thought to myself. But what kind of jobs?
Will there be minimum or near minimum wages! Or will there be any union jobs
that pay an actual living wage. This town was good at finding low income jobs
for the little people who lived here. Many, just like those I had talked to
while canvassing were likely to work at such low paying jobs and then bitch
because they can barely get by—then vote Republican!
Make no mistake about it. This is a one-horse town. It’s the
air capital of the Mid-west.
Of course those who don’t want to build air craft can blow
it out their asses, as far as our city leaders were concerned. Most people with
significant talents, which did not go well with building aircraft, left this
town—those who were smart.
Finally the day had come to reap the rewards of our hard
fought campaign labor. It was campaign night. It’s a great time to mingle with
political folks and swill cheap boos while watching to see if any of our candidates
actually win. On those rare occasions when a Democrat does win in the Wichita
What I liked best about these events were all the cute
Democrat women. Some were quite sexy looking. That is one thing the Republicans
did not have was really sexy women. And their women were as dull as they come.
I stood with Browning by the TV all night as the local news
reported one district’s results after another.
By now I figured that losing this election was a foregone conclusion.
But what I didn’t expect was the percentage of votes Browning did get. By about
midnight, with more than 90% of the votes in, Browning got 43% of the popular
vote. Was that possible?!
Could some of the voters actually grown tired of Brownback’s[1]
personal punk boy? Were there some voters who actually took the time to look at
issues and the blatant corruption of the Republican Party in this coup they
used to gain control for their corporate greed? Apparently I got to a few
voters. I don’t know who they were, but not every voter in this state is an
ignoramus. Some can actually think for themselves and that was a great
revelation for me that night.
Pix
by Flickr.
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